JOKES TO PUT ON OUR FUNNY MONEY
Mike was insuring his car against fire and the insurance agent asked if he'd like to insure it against theft as well. "That's stupid -- who'd ever steal a burning car?"
Pat's village got a new fire engine, and they wondered what to do with the old one. "Well," said Pat, "we could keep the old one for false alarms."
Pat and Mike were climbing a big mountain. Halfway up they were too tired and thirsty to go on. "Let's go down to the pub at the bottom, and climb the other half tomorrow."
Pat and Mike were out boating. Pat accidentally punched a hole in the bottom of the boat, and the water started pouring in. Mike with quick thinking immediately punched a second hole to let it out.
Pat went to the doctor and was given a prescription for suppositories. "I ate about a dozen of them, and for all the good they did me I might as well have stuck them up my rear end!"
Pat and
Mike were building a house. Pat kept throwing away half of the
nails.
"Why are you doing that?"
"Half the nails have the heads on the wrong end."
"You fool -- those are for the other side of the house."
"How much would you pay for all the secrets of the universe? Wait, don't answer yet. You also get this six-quart covered combination spaghetti pot and clam steamer. Now how much would you pay?"
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Sherlock
Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent
under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the
night Holmes wakes Watson up. "Watson, look up at the stars,
and tell me what you deduce." Watson says, "I see millions
of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite
likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a
few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"